In around 2 hours from now, I shall humiliate myself in front of all my relatives. Dancing. The frickin' waltz. In a gown. In heels. With flowers on my head.

See, there was a multitude of reasons I was vehemently against having a debut in any way, shape or form. This came in no 3.

Bah humbug.

At the very least we get to dance first, so  I can enjoy the rest of the night after the initial blow.

Oh yeah, this week was crazy, but I survived. I'm still in one piece and my sleeping pattern is (hopefully) back to normal.

Ugh. Hair and make-up beckons. Damnit. The food better be worth it. And there better be alcohol. I just might end up walking around the streets of Makati in a gown in search for decent food (oh grad ball memories...)

3:30 am

Huwow.

Ang daming nag-ym, all expressing their disbelief that I was still awake at this ungodly hour in the morning. Haha, thanks for the support!

I'd also like to thank Ryan's Brazilian coffee beans (ngayon ko lang binuksan), Maltezers, Piattos and Jollibee Yum w/ Cheese.

Sa uulitin! Pass 2 na in 3 weeks!

Ithankyoubow

OR test pa pala bukas. Huh. *blanks out*

Tonight (or rather, tomorrow early early early morning), I officially become a college student.

I've got my coffee maker all set for the night, I'll be using the Brazilian coffee beans I've been saving for so long, and my little bag of chocolate (okay... maybe not so little) is tucked safely in the chiller.

In other words... handa na ako magpuyat! Woohoo!

Hahaha, it's such a big deal for me. I value my sleep. And now I'm giving it up for this frickin' audit. At first pass pa lang ito. Gahhh.

Although they say I'll be cheating my way out of it since I plan to cut my 730 eco class tomorrow. Hindi daw all-nighter yun if I cut a class the very next day. I should experience the full package of going to class with no sleep at all.

Hey, baby steps muna. First time ko pa lang ito. Hee! I'm actually excited about this! ^_^

SMEG sem isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

At least, not compared with the unholy tandem of POM, OR and LS which is currently doing its damnest to break down my mind into a pulpy mass of icky goop.

wednesday
1) eco hw --> i'm still at a loss. negative supply wth?! may mali sa given, there's no other possible explanation...
2) philo quiz --> pre-test of marcel and lewis. ugh.
3) OR hw --> proving that some transition matrix or another is markov.... whatever the hell that means...

thursday
1) LS report --> which the beloved TG only assigned TODAY! Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii***
2) POM report --> at the very least, tanchoco assigned it to us last week
3) Superproj pass 1 (POM) --> still no interview w/ eastern-seaboard, hence no strategy. just a ton of industry data.

friday
1) OR lt 1--> simulation. which would normally take a scant few minutes to do in excel, but noooooo.... we have to do it pen and paper style. urgh.
2) Superproj pass 1 (LS) --> ditto.

So... What the fuck have you done lately?

At least I can look forward to Saturday night. Ohhhh Saturday night. With lots of food and lots of booze and lots of family and lots of friends and generally lots of fun. Did I mention lots of booze???? I plan to get utterly plastered to celebrate surviving my first of many hell weeks to come.

I was on my way to dozing off in the latter part of the Pabaon (I spent the first half going through my philo notes) when this 2002 alumna they interviewed said:

"We are an unburdened generation."

My eyes snapped open and I started ranting out loud in the dark.

"Unburdened? Have you been following the news lately? UNBURDENED?! WTF UNBURDENED?!"

I don't think I really need to list down the things that were better back then than they are now. Purchasing power? Employment? Governance? HDI? The list goes on.... You can also add Global Warming to the list. Jacob says that the time will come when you can pretty much blame Global Warming for everything. The guy who won an award for pointing out Global Warming 20 years ago says that time will come in around 20 years (when I read the news, I was like "Shit, buhay pa ako nun!")

One Big Sigh.

This is very depressing.

If this generation were unburdened, I wouldn't be depressed. I would be happy, ecstatic even, to be part of the nation's workforce and work for a better future because I'd KNOW that there's the proverbial Better Future to work for.

But at this point in time the Better Future is practically a myth. It's what  our grandaparents fought for so that our parents could enjoy, it's what our parents are working  for at this very moment so that we could in turn have our shot at the Better Future. Except that there is JUST TOO MUCH SHIT THAT CAN't BE TURNED INTO FERTILIZER going on, such that at the very least, all we can hope for is an individualistic concept of a Better Future, because it's going to take more than the collective action of hopeful Ateneans of Batch 2009 to build something remotely substantial from a pile of shit.

This is a far cry for the idealistic!Nixxie that used to spout of idealistic nonsense back in high school.

Yeah, I'm back to my usual coffee habit. The bitterness is just oozing out of my pores.

OMG WANTED IS THE COOLEST FRICKIN' MOVIE EVERRRRR!!!!!

This is me taking control of my life.

What the fuck have you done lately?

CLASSIC!

As Cassie summed it up: "It philosophizes, but with guns and bullets!"

Yeah... That certainly hit the spot. Specially w/ me on my way to becoming that same kind of drone, wasting my life away in front of some spreadsheet, making recons and bond reports and price feeds (yep. been there done that).... There was some existential crap going on, coupled with violence, guns, people dying in slow motion, and Angelina Jolie.

Can't get any better than that.

Of course, this doesn't change the fact that 1) the first pass of the audit is due Thursday 2) the first OR exam is on Friday  3) there's a group report to do in POM on Thurs 4) there's an eco hw due on Wed 5) there's a philo quiz on wed as well 6t I've got a case to do for POM dueon Tuesday and 7) I seriously want to skip Pabaon tomorrow so I can deal with all this crap.

So what the fuck have I done lately?

Wish I can answer that with something just as profound. Eat, sleep, study and hang out doesn't really compare with "taking control of my life".

I should remember to ask this question to myself everyday.....

"A wise man once told me that there are only 2 things guys must know how to cook: a specialty dish that they can claim as their own secret recipe, something worthy enough to be passed on to future generations, and the favorite dish of the one they love."

I spent the entire Saturday with him. He actually came to CCP w/ me to support my very new endeavor: exercise (w/c will hopefully be a weekly thing, but naaaaaahhhhh....) But then he stayed for lunch and made fish & chips (ala Fish & Co.) after finding out that I planned to survive through the entire day with 4 cups of nissin yakisoba, a bag of ruffles and nothing more. He would've gone home for the afternoon, but we got caught up watching tennis on the telly (whilst I pored over more philo texts, multitasking generation and all), and then it was time for dinner. I really wanted to break in the cup noodles, but he made carbonara instead.

And he got Heineken beer.

Hooboy. Here we go again.....

So. Hell week next week. The first of manymanymanymany this semester. 1st OR LT, 1st pass for the audit, 1st pass for the Operations paper, and some homework or other in eco. And yes, my lola's big birthday party and I still don't have any idea what to do. But I already have a pretty dress for it, so that should make things easier.... Cass always says something about having the perfect dress and everything will fall into place blahblahblah.

Right... I shall get back to the Markov Madness.

Dear Nixxie,

Suck it up and move on.

Yours,
Nixxie

"Quotemaster" Jacob gave me yet another line: "Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments"

Unfortunately, I'm not inclined to agree. The degree of the success is held relative to the degree of disappointment. Faced with a "great" disappointment, any small success would seem "best".

Try again, my friend.

Anyway, nothing left to do but bury myself in readings readings and more readings. I'll deal with this tomorrow.

Key word: FOCUS. BIG PICTURE.

I need food. And loud music.

It's 12 frickin 30 in the morning, and the entire group is up and about doing the industry/company profile for the superproject. It's probably not a big deal for most people, but I'm Nixxie. I SLEEEEEP. I've never EVER pulled off an all-nighter in my entire academic life. EVER.

Yeah, I asked for this. I know I asked for this. Damn you Nixxie for asking for this.

I'd be lucky if I get to sleep at 1am.

3 months to goooooooo.

It's one of those very rare moments that I'm feeling unusually productive. And yet here I am not doing anything about it. Haha. Seems like I'd rather note down this peculiar event in my personal history rather than take advantage of it. Tsk tsk tsk. So much for seizing the moment. Apparently I'm not a particularly good "seizer".

LS125 is C.R.A.Z.Y!!! My god....... We haven't even started with the superproject and here is Galura bombarding us with unannounced readings and unannounced reports. Biiiiiaaaaattttcccchhhh. Then she has this penchant for calling people randomly and giving equally crazy assignments. Last week it was the "strategic plan" of the businesses along Katipunan, which I faced amidst heavy monsoon rains. Gehhh. Now it's the same "strategic plan" thing, but this time we have to interview from 3 of the top 100 companies in the country, and make a paper about it, and pass it next Tuesday, without any consideration whatsoever to the fact that we also have a company/industry profile for the superproject due at the end of this week.

OMG this is a taste of things to come. And it definitely ain't sweet.

Um. Right. Ranting never really solves anything. Moving on....

Apparently it's the global warming anniversary of sorts today. The guy who issued the warning some 20 years ago is getting lauded and being called an "environmental prophet". And his statement now makes everything sound more ominous (he's really taking the prophet thing to light). And yeah, my breath kinda hitched when I read that  things will start to unravel in around 20 years. I was like, shit I'll only be 40 then (hmph, okay okay 41.... bloody bastards).

At the very least I have lasagna and fried chicken to look forward to for dinner tonight.